They are completely unreliable! I mean… my cat does a better job of waking me!
So here I am… awake before dawn and got the munchkin off to school and then went back to sleep because I planned at being at work around 10. I took one last look at the alarm clock before I fell back to sleep… and 4 hours later…. AT 11:00 I woke up and my alarm clock had mysteriously disappeared! 
Now we all know what happened, my alarm clock… thinking it would get the best of me… sprouted legs and took off for Jamaica while I slumbered unknowingly in my cozy bed.
Well after a few choice profanities directed at the missing alarm… and a lot of dizzy disorientation… I realized that my alarm clock could not have possibly sprouted legs and ran off (R-U-N-N-O-F-T)… something sinister must have taken place between the time I fell peacefully asleep and when I woke up at 11. And it must have been before 9am otherwise I would have heard it go off…
As I tried to piece together the horror that must have befallen my alarm clock… I pondered about all the times it had lied to me and told me it would wake me and then didnt… only to go off in the PM instead of AM… or on Monday instead of Saturday… I realized how untrustworthy this alarm is… which brought me to becoming angry at my husband for loving the thing so much. Even in it’s duck taped state…. yes my alarm clock is duck taped… I didnt recall why. But my husband tells me I threw it one day and it broke open. Funny how I dont remember that incident….
Much to my alarm’s chagrin I could NEVER figure out how to set the dam* thing. It blatently defied my every try. And NOW! Here it was missing all together!
Where could it have gone?
Well lately I’ve taken to coddling it after if goes off the first time, I suppose I think it will coax it into not going off again. Then my cat gets jealous and begins batting me in the face and meowing at me, and then on to progressively more torturous methods of getting me to get my as5 out of bed and get him some milk… knowing I must be awake because I grabbed the methodically bleeping alarm off the nightstand and was holding onto it as if it could make me float out at sea. So usually, I either A) Roll my as5 out of bed or B) Push Ginko (cat) off the bed and attempt to hide under the covers. Neither of which is very comfortable. Because either my feet hit the cold hard floor of my bedroom or the cat attempts to hunt me out from under the covers while meowing very loudly.
Well… back to the case at hand… maybe the cat stole the alarm out of jealousy. He has been known to get extremely jealous of our dog and assorted other things around the house, mainly the computer. Could he have carted it off? Well certainly being 14 pounds I’m sure he probably could have found a way… especially since he’s a lot crankier than I am when he’s woken up….
But probably not because he’s so dam* lazy….
Where is that dam* alarm?!?
I searched the bed high and low… no alarm… I searched the room quickly as I made my way to throw on some clothes and email my boss about how late I’d be. *whew* boy did I need to shower… I looked like the Bride of Frankenstein. So I forgot about the missing alarm while I re-brushed my teeth, took a hot shower and found some nice clean clothes to wear. The I looked at the clock on the microwave… man was I late… “dam* alarm!” “Dam* broken duct-taped loud annoying ugly hard-to-read too difficult to set alarm clock”…
And I left for work.
—TBC—