Seriously Mental…
So all in all… things are floating downstream as usual, with the occasional boulder in the way. Requiring of us to hike ourselves up out of the nice cool soothing waters, grab hold of our innertubes and carefully find safe footing to make our way around them. Once around we lower ourselves back into the water, sometimes gracefully, sometimes not so much, and casually look back at the boulder and wonder why it looks so differently from this side, this distance, and now not at all because it has disappeared around the bend and there are others ahead.
Lately, those boulders seem cumbersome and frequent. I seem to be hyperfocused on my mental state and abilities. I guess similar to when I was studying music and became annoyingly aware of every wrong, out of tune, or misrepresentation of every tiny note OR rest when listening to any arrangement being played by anyone. I lost my sight of the larger picture.
Sometimes others help us around those boulders because we are unsure what lies beneath the ripples (rocks… fish… sharp metal objects) or what lies around the other side.
My personal boulders from the past week (yes… only one week):
* My grandmother passed away Thursday Oct. 13
* My father is crazy.
* My family is seriously dysfunctional.
* I got food poisoning and have only just started eating solid foods again today but my stomach still hurts.
* I’m dehydrated but my stomach cant handle more than a few sips of gatorade every half hour or so.
* I have 2 midterms, 2 papers, and a journal due next week for class and I’ve barely started all of them.
* I have about 4 other papers and a presentation due within the next few weeks that I havent started on.
* I am supposed to start back to work in 2 weeks.
* I am supposed to either go to 2 parties on Saturday for close friends or go to my Gram’s house to help my cousin sort through all of her things for Sat and Sun.
* My all time favorite: the boulder I built… “I’m tired and I want to go back to bed.”
My Q is, will I make it safely around these boulders or be tattered to pieces? Or both… get through them but arrive on the otherside tattered, broken and bleeding. I’ve heard the saying “Time heals all wounds” but I don’t think its true. Is there a breaking point? Do we ever hit a euphamistic brick wall in the water? A dam perhaps?
And how does that time speed up and slow down work? How can I control it because it’s stuck in overdrive and the driver jumped out!
I know somehow I will emerge on the otherside of these rocks… and I hope I wont be too broken to enjoy it when I’m through.
Which leads me to another Q: How do I get there?